Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
