Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
it's great music for shaving your balls
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
