oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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