you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
