Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
