Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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