I'm eating all of the evidence.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
