Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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