i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
