is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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