Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
