kristin has been a bad kristin
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I AM VODKA MAN
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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