i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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