when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Randomize
