does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize