ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
