What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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