You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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