Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
