Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The uberlube is also flammable
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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