She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
