you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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