Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
