Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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