Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
