some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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