mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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