I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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