So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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