He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
