So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
