There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
