Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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