"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize