That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
