remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
