i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize