If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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