Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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