I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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