A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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