Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
