He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Randomize
