Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
