i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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