I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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