Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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