i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
