Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
