I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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