dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
