Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
