her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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