I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize