i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
