Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
