I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
