I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
