Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
