So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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