My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
