I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
