Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We need to get me chipped asap
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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