Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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