Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
sarcasm needs its own font
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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