I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
