Nicole vs. Life
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
