why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I want a musical about memes.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
