Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize