Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
