I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You made out with two different species that night
OPIZZABONMYDICK
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize