I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
