And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
