i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
