You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
