She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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