and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
it glows. i had to have it.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
