He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
