Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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