Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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