Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
