Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize