Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Someone came in the potted fern
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
