one two three fourrrrnication!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
