OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Drunk walkin through police station. America
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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