i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
