Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
