I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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