the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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