My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize