It's like God shit irony all over that family
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
