my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
