Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
