she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
