you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
me + whiskey = a bad person
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
