I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
