just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Come share oat with me in your robe
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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