Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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