Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
