I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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