His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
